I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________REFERENCES SECTION: Church you attend ___________________________________________________How often you attend ________________________________________________When would be the best time to interview your: Father? )_______________________________ ________________________________Mother's Signature Father's Signature_______________________________ ________________________________Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine andnon-sexual. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? _____________SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: Answer by filling in the blank. A: If somebody shot me, I would sure hope they didn't shoot me in the: ______________________________________________________________B: If somebody beat me up, I would sure hope they didn't break/injure my: ______________________________________________________________C: A woman's place is in the: ______________________________________________________________D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: ______________________________________________________________E. ___________________________ ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is: ______________________________________________________________F. __________________I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TOTHE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESEWATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE._________________________________________________________Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.
_______Social Security Number _________________ Driver's License Number_____________Boy Scout Rank ____________________Home Address _______________________ City ________ State ______ Zip_________Do you have one male and one female parent? ______(Note: If you answered YES to ANY of these questions, discontinueapplication and leave the premises).* In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like cutting the lawn?If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my : Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.