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All Japanese people innately recognize that: If you’re a man with just a little bit of money, you can have sex with as many attractive women as you want. It’s something that’s available for purchase, like movie tickets or a head of cabbage or something. “I’m pretty sure you just answered a different question,” I said. I’ll try to put this in the best light possible, but Japanese social relations . She’s about sixty and doesn’t say stupid things like, “Wow, you can use chopsticks,” so I like her.

Sex isn’t an expression of love between two people; it’s something that can be bought or sold when necessary. Then I walked the concrete corridor to the station and silently waited in line for the train.

Again, this is a hard thing to reconcile if you don’t live in Japan, but being in a relationship and having sex have precious little to do with one another. The fact is, you don’t challenge what you’re told, you don’t offer up original ideas, and you don’t initiate conversation with strangers. I actually rode the elevator down with a guy yesterday. Japanese people excel at social interactions when there are clearly defined roles: Boss and Worker, Clerk and Customer, Drunk Salaryman and Gaijin.

For a Japanese male, it’s possible to get sex almost anywhere, at any time, for little more than the price of a decent lunch. [*Note to self: insert more nuanced term before posting this.] The society functions with robot-like efficiency because your boss tells you what do—or your parents, or your teacher—and you do it. If you work in a ramen shop, you don’t say, “Hey boss, how about if, instead of two pieces of pork in the noodles, we tried ? Which presents a koan-like riddle: If you don’t talk to people you don’t know, how do you get to know people? He was about my age and was tying his tie while I was still fumbling into my shoes. “Oh jeez, I can’t believe my alarm didn’t go off.” C. There are clear rules and precedents for those situations. “I think we’re in a recession.” So then after work, I went to my usual , which is basically like a cheap restaurant.

then someone will surely reply: The women you’re seeing are all hoes.

The young Japanese people of today grew up watching their parents live this life, and it’s understandable if they’re not thrilled about this option.

Now don’t get me wrong—again, I don’t mean to imply that there are a lot of men going to these places, or a lot of women working there. What I mean to say is that the fact that it exists changes the way people view relationships. When it came, it was packed as always, so we put on our faces of resignation and forced ourselves on since we had to, then rode without a word.

As in, I once dated a girl who told me, “You know, a lot of men would pay good money to be dating me like you are.” Which I really couldn’t argue with because, well, she was right. Recently, a friend of mine got married to a man through an arranged marriage. When I got to my neighborhood it was dark, which was fine since there’s really not much to see anyway, nothing like a river or a tree or anything.

Anyone who’s been in Japan for even a short while has seen the rows of shops offering all the usual services. I’ve lived in my current apartment building for, let’s see, about a year and a half now. Anyway, in that time the number of neighbors I’ve met is . Okay, so here’s a little quiz for you, to see how well you know Japanese culture: I figured I’d break the ice with a non-threatening situational observation, so I said in Japanese: “Yeah, another busy morning, huh? But for two Japanese people to strike up a conversation while in line at the grocery store? It’s a tad dingy and run-down, but the food’s solid.

(As an aside, I’ll add that “foreigners” aren’t allowed in. Every week, people pay me to sit in Starbucks and simply talk with them. Well, it’s hypothetically possible, I suppose, like Dark Matter or something. That means that if everyone else is having an awesome, sexy time, you’re more likely to as well. When it’s a sunny day, everybody’s happy, and when it rains, everybody’s glum. So I was talking this over with my colleague Fujimoto-sensei last week, and he said, “Ah, Ken, you should have seen it in the 90’s. Everybody was making money, people were positive, it was more fun. Then, “You know I used to have a wife and a girlfriend in those days. I think of it like an extra living room, which helps since my apartment’s so darn small.

You can be that crazy dude who lives under a bridge and rides a bicycle with garbage bags full of tin cans hanging off the back, but as long as you’re “Japanese,” you’re good to go. Afterwards, I go to a bar, and every week, sure as hell, someone will approach me and say, “Wow, let’s speak English together! People are massively impacted by their environment and the people around them. The place was packed full of about thirty guys and gals in dark suits all sitting alone in silence, eating and reading manga or staring at their smartphones with glazed eyes.

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