Average review will be 2 out of 5 stars or something like that. Because people who get married from online dating sites rarely get back online to post happy reviews on websites.They move on with their lives, while everyone else complains about the sites and the awful people on the sites.Do they even know how many texts I have ignored in my inbox right now?!? I don't think those photos do justice to my dorktastic personality, and B).I'd rather someone be interested in Every Day Me than Hot Me That Time I Remembered To Put Lipstick On.You wanna know why I'm so paranoid about online anything? I don't have to even be on a dating site for people to find out intimate, personal details about my life, because I over-share on Twitter like it's my job and I also over-share all over the internet because it is my actual, legitimate job. I had nothing to be ashamed of when I was single and enjoying myself, and I have nothing to be ashamed of now that I'm single and want to date somebody—especially considering that everybody on those sites is in the exact same boat. Because in my teenagehood, my parents were so committed to that whole "keeping me alive" thing that they banned me from even having a Facebook until I was 16, and even then, they had all the passwords to my accounts until I turned 18. The only real difference between me doing it here and me doing it there is that there is a huge vulnerability in the presentation of it on a dating app. Look this tiny screen-sized capture of my soul, and consider dating me, please."I realized that it's not that I'm embarrassed or scared of people knowing things about me on the internet—the "paranoia," perhaps, is actually my complete and utter discomfort with people out there in the world knowing that I am actively trying to not be alone in life. Sometime in the last 12 hours of having this dating app, and sometime perhaps even in the last hour of writing this article, I have made peace with my paranoia and faced it for what it really is. It's like being scared of a spider when the spider is every bit as terrified as you.
I'm a grown ass adult with a Wi Fi connection and and I have to act like one. Upon waking, I immediately rolled over to check my e-mail, where upon I discovered so many messages from strangers that my whole body seized with panic. STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET KNEW WHAT CITY I LIVED IN AND THAT I LIKED GRILLED CHEESE AND SPIDER-MAN AND TAYLOR SWIFT. Something I have pondered in the hours since I recklessly deactivated my account: I have no problem sharing things about myself with the internet. So obviously I'm there to meet humans, when all of a sudden one messages me and I remember something pretty crucial: I hate humans. But on most nights, I'm liable to blow off even my best friends to watch 30 Rock reruns and eat my way through the quarter pound of sliced Jarlsberg I order from the deli every week.And now these total strangers want me to chat them back? But I know better than to put up my foxiest pic on a dating app, because A).In those first five minutes of telling a bot that your favorite food is grilled cheese and that you enjoy long walks in the park making faces at people's babies while their backs are turned, you really start to think that anything is possible. No other words can perfectly describe that "oh sh*t" moment when your profile goes live.It's like willingly jumping into an ocean full of piranhas, hoping that there's one cute, derpy fish that you might want to date.Aside from my own luck and the trendy radio ads and sexy commercials, it seems as if no one’s happy.